How to care for a loved one during their breakdown

It is becoming more evident that mental health issues need to be addressed more often in our society. With the global pandemic and lockdown going on, it has brought much distress and disruptions to our daily lives, and thus put a toll on many individuals’ mental health, which causes a worrying increase of suicide cases in Malaysia in 2021. (Hassan, 2021)

With that being said, the chances of you encountering a loved one going through a breakdown or struggling with a mental health issue is higher than ever. Whether you’re a parent with a teenager reading this, or a caregiver to an elder, or just a friend/ family wanting to be educated in this area- we hope these practical steps will prepare you in situations like this if you ever encounter them in the future.

1. Your presence is their best present

It’s easy to go into panic mode when you’re witnessing a loved one having a breakdown in front of you. “What can I do? What can I say? How can I practically help them now?” Knowing what to do and say are great tools, but many people actually discount the importance of their presence. Being present creates a safe space for them and letting them know that you’re there for them with your actions. Sometimes it might look like sitting down with them and not talking, and sometimes it’s giving your full attention listening to them. It could feel like you’re not doing anything much, but trust me- it will make a greater impact than you think.

2. Guard your words

Stay away from saying words that would potentially discount their feelings. Phrases like, “Why are you overreacting? It’s not a big deal” or “This is not worth crying about, stop crying now!” could be a potential trigger that would make them feel worse than they already are. The truth is, you never know exactly what they are feeling and going through. Be very considerate of your word choices as they play an immense role during this period of time. You do not have to “fork out” words to say if you have nothing to say. It’s better to stay quiet and present than to say the wrong thing.

3. Body language matters

Did you know that your body language speaks louder than words? Little things like maintaining eye contact, nodding as they talk, a hug or a pat, or even handing a packet of tissue paper goes a long way. It’s within gestures like these, comfort and safety are found. We encourage you to be aware and sensitive of the mood and energy state of your loved ones and try matching at their level. For example, appearing in a high-pitched, joyful mood to a tearing loved one sitting in a corner wouldn’t be ideal. Instead, going low and meeting where they are would speak so much more volume.

4. Validate their feelings

Verbalizing and expressing what you see and hear will help them to process their feelings while sending a message that you actually listened to them. “This looks so tough, I cannot imagine what it feels like. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Stay away from giving solutions now as they might not be in the clear mindset to receive them, and it could be easily misinterpreted at this point. Instead, assuring them that their feelings are valid, and that you’re there for them will give them a sense of security and support in this time of need.

5. Ask purposeful questions

Ask questions that will help you understand their situation better. Seek to gain connection. ““Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” “Would you like to talk about it? I’m here if you need to talk.” As you ask these questions, remember to always be kind, gentle and compassionate and make space for them to answer whenever they’re ready.

It’s never easy to struggle with mental health issues, or to journey with a loved one going through that. Some people may just need a “sign” to keep going, to not give up. If you’re currently struggling with your mental health, looking for a sign to not give up- this is your sign. We wrote this song especially for you, in hopes to bring you comfort, strength and hope to persevere. You matter. Don’t give up on hope.

Check out the song here: Now Don’t Give Up on Hope

If you are wanting to seek help and receive therapy, please do not hesitate to reach out to schedule a session. We would love to journey with you.

References:

Hassan, H. (2021, July 12). Malaysia sees rise in suicides and calls to helplines amid Covid-19 pandemic. The Straits Times. https://www.straitstimes.com/asia/se-asia/malaysia-sees-rise-in-suicides-and-calls-to-helplines-amid-covid-19-pandemic

About Life Tunes Music Therapy:

Life Tunes Music Therapy was founded in 2020 by Ivy Tan, MT-BC (board certified- music therapist) with a mission to empower individuals in thriving in both physical and emotional well-being. Currently based in Johor Bahru, Life Tunes Music Therapy provides music therapy services online and in-person (Johor Bahru area only). With the motto of “Changing lives one tune at a time”, we believe in the power of change that comes with the healing power of music.